HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Boobs are out for the taking
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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