Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
