Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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