If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i drank out of a bidet.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
