im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well you can't waste a boner
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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