she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
