you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
this is an emotional support booty call
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
