You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
