She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
