White coat. Heels.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize