i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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