You just made me feel so damn special
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
