you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it hurts more in the daytime
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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