Yo dont text me then not text me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
