Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
