worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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