Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
