I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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