put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
