I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
