I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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