I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
