the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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