Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
where are my eyebrows?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
