remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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