Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
