i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize