I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
