i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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