I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
