There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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