I want to make a zoo with you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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