Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
