I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize