So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
