Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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