Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
