I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
