I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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