Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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