So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Four minutes until I can fart!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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