Jerry, you need to find god
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
