exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize