this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
