Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
