i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
