So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
