last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
