doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize