I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
