You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
