You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
