3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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