So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
