and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
