I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
