Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
