I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
