Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Randomize
