I can text with my tongue
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
