So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
