I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize