I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
