It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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