So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
