I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
